Krisna

As I passed him, all seemed to stop for a few moments.

The boy with the kind smile,
I knew it was HIM.
The dark skinned child with the mysterious smile,
I knew it was HIM.
The dimpled cheek, the crooked smile,
I knew it was HIM.
The strange look in the eyes,
I knew it was HIM.
The confident stance,
I knew it was HIM.
The glance into my soul,
I knew it was HIM.
The look of one very wise, the eternal knowledge in his eyes--too strange for such a young child,
I knew it was HIM.

People think I am crazy, but deep in my heart I feel, the dark skinned child with the beautiful smile was definitely HIM.

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"Fear Not. What is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed."
-Bhagavad Gita

Diamonds in the dark

I was driving into the night because there was too much waiting, I did not want to wait there staring at the people walking or at the other people who were also waiting. I didn't want to feel like I was in the middle of everyone, everything, even when I really wasn't. And so I passed the bus stop without stopping, and drove off into a direction I had never gone to. I passed a lab, a couple of odd buildings, a few houses, but eventually there were no longer any houses or buildings, only trees and small lanes branching off. My thoughts turned to myself. I realized suddenly what a fool I had been. The grandest one. Others had fooled me, and I had fooled myself. I grinned in the darkness. It was almost laugh out loud funny. Almost. And what was this new character I had developed? I asked myself. I answered back: A mask. A mask? How pathetic. And scary. When I looked into the mirror, was it a stranger I saw? Or me with a mask? Or well, just me? Maybe it wasn't a mask. It was just what I have become, what I am becoming. A thought far more scarier. I don't know, I said to myself. You don't know. Myself told me. I said out load: I am a fool who is pathetic, malicious and confused. Then I did laugh out loud. My own laughter brought me out of my thoughts and I suddenly remembered, that I had to head back to the bus stop. So I entered into one of the side paths. This path turned out darker than the road I had turned from. Suddenly I felt a choking sense of defeat. In the process of taking a U-turn, I stopped. I asked myself. How had I let everything happen so? Or was it really I who had let it happen? I stayed so for a few moments thinking, until I sensed a moment in the trees lining the path. I turned the car towards the trees unknowingly, and there in the complete darkness I saw a pair of eyes. Shining. Fear gripped me. I froze. I stared at them, and the eyes stared back at me. I saw nothing but the eyes. What could they belong to? Moments passed. Suddenly the deer stepped forward. Its beauty startled me. And I felt relieved. Not only from fear but something else. The deer walked off into the woods, and I turned the car around and went back to the bus stop, no longer thinking about my self.

Reputo...Facio

Maybe it had always been so, but I didn't know that. I had walked in the first time and discovered what I thought as chaos. Books strewn everywhere, note papers scattered about, chairs placed randomly. It wasn't a large room but the way everything was oriented, it seemed large enough to get lost in. To my joy I looked around to discover no one about. I settled at one the many tables, the particular one had Plato's "Apology" and "Leviathan" by Hobbes on it. I didn't look at them though, because I hadn't come here to read. I was here to think. Really think. By myself. Think. Think. Think. Thats all.
And so I thought. Kept on thinking. So many thoughts. That's until a man entered the room pulling me out of my caliginous thoughts. The man was old. White hair, wrinkly skin. He was very tall, almost gangly. But what really seemed to stand out were his eyes. Twinkly, bright, full of life. Without asking he pulled one of the chairs and sat down.
"Ooh so you have discovered the room."
I didn't say anything. Just stared.
"How do you like it?"
It was a question, that I needed to answer.
"Its chaotic"
"Well....how do you like it though?"
I thought about it. Did I like the room. It was too disoriented.
"I dont hate it nor love it. Its too disoriented for me"
"Well then, stop thinking so much and go make it the way you want"
I wasnt sure what he was talking about, so I just stared.
"Stop thinking soo much about your life or this room for that matter, act! Make it the way you want to. Stop thinking.Act.Right now.Go"
I stood up. His words almost like a an awakenning of some kind. I looked around the room. I put the chairs where they belong, I stacked the notepapers, put the books back on the shelf. And soon the room was less chaotic.
By the time I came back to the table, the man was gone.
Since that day I came to that chaotic room everyday. But I never saw him again. I looked for his in the hallways. In other rooms. But never saw him.
But I always remember the old man with the twinkly eyes. Who made me act more, think a bit less.

Shallow Friendship

Hadn't they both expected something more from each other?
They had. For sure.
And expectations always seem to betray them.
And it has now once again.

There is a aloofness about them now.
So easy for it to be gone.
But they fail to see that. Or don't let their so called "dignity" see it.
Or maybe they do, and think the other doesn't.

They try to act normal with each other, but the awkwardness is apparent.
The old companionship is long gone.
Why so?
Because they fail to recognize to each other, that it has.

Maybe when they will.
Slowly the old familiarity will be back.
Maybe their friendship will emerge stronger?

Till then.
They will go on sharing a superficial bond.
And missing those old wonderful moments they had together.

The dark hollows

Short crisp hair. Gangly. Hooked nose.
Three forgot. One would always remember.
Crooked smile.
Another changed.

Three forgot. Forgot?
Will never remember.

The lonely table. The suppressed grins.
The vast hallways, too narrow to hide.

The brown bag. The red circled calender.
The brown cupcake. The red nose.

The old friend now foe.
The high nose(with something smelly under it)

The deep ditch. The high jump.
The prickly feeling. The unpleasant words.

The shrill calls. The push in the back.
The narrow eyes. The "supposed" all knowing smile.

Whispered looks, the unanswerable questions.
The dark throat. Unpleasant comment heard.

The pitiful looks, the rushed tears.
The ganging up. The whispered conversations.

Unnoticed self. The purpose of class discussion.
A rumor? started.
Bringing everything down.

The so called "knowing" me.

The dark hollows of the brain. Not to be seen.
Not ones for which the light should be shown.

Blah.

I had a dream about you.
You weren't really there. But you were.
It was dark and you were there like a bright light.
There was so much mystery around you, at least in the beginning.

And then slowly the dream drew in more colors,
I learned much about you, and you about me.

But in truth, did we really understand each other?
I think we did, but not fully.

And in the end, you killed me. In the dream that is.
After a happier you.
Just like that.

Though I didn't die.
I bled. But didn't die.

Weird that the dream came.
Why do I think its about you.
It may not be about you, but I think it is.

I think I am being harsh, saying its about you.
But thats how I feel. What can I do? Can I change what I feel?
I cant do anything.

Phase

I went through a phase.

A phase in which many things happened at once.

A phase in which I cocooned myself yet the same time flew all around as a butterfly.

A phase in which I had some great times yet many moments of the worst.

During this time I felt things I never felt before. Feeling that I still, having a hard time understanding.

I learned many new things. About others, about life, my self.

I learned of some qualities of myself(or maybe I did know of them before but didnt truly acknowledge them), causes of some which gave me much remorse yet others that made me truly happy.

Through this all I have changed.

I dont know if it can be called a change, but I have realized that now I am letting myself get lost in some aspects of myself that I supressed for a while.

There are some people I need to apologize to, others I need to thank.

But I plan on during neither. Doing so would be absurd and irrelevant.

For the people I thought I knew, I think I know, and will get to know :)